You meet someone you like. You want to know whether they are taken. How would you find out? Would you ask directly?

Partnered people casually reveal their relationship status by mentioning their significant other in conversation. But single people usually do not advertise that they are single. Just because someone is not in a relationship, it does not necessarily mean they are looking for one. They might be recovering from a recent breakup or experiencing years of dating fatigue.

It can feel complicated to share your relationship status when you are single but not truly available.

It took years for me to acknowledge that I am not open to dating. It is a tricky position to be in, because I’m still dreaming of a lifelong partnership. But I am totally burned out by the conventions of modern dating, so I do not consider myself “available” in that sense.

After I broke up with my last longterm boyfriend, I signed up for all the dating apps I could find. I was not much of a dater before I met my ex, so I was ignorant of the fundamentals of choosing a good partner. So I went on casual dates through the apps for years, as a new thing to try, to occupy my weekends, and to gather data on how dating works.

The result? I am still single. I was disappointed, condescended to, and ghosted time after time. When I met someone I liked and felt hopeful again, the outcome was always the same.

My biggest takeaway: Single men prefer freedom and independence over commitment. They use dating apps for entertainment rather than for finding a partner. Relationships feel more like a convenience, a fun pastime, not something deeper than a weekend activity.

Most people in my age group are no longer pursuing marriage or starting families. To many, having a lifelong partner or raising children is a chore that adds little value to an already fulfilling life. There are countless enjoyable things to do that seem more appealing than being tied down by a nagging spouse and crying kids.

Even so, I still believe I can have a family someday with someone who truly loves me, even if most of my generation does not share that vision. These contradictions make it difficult to explain where I stand in dating. There is no easy way to say that I want a partner, someone to talk to and spend time with, yet have lost faith in the dating world.